Is love alive?

I want to be the girl you say goodnight to every night and hello to every morning. I want to be the girl whose tears you wipe away because you want to keep the promise of you always being there whenever. I want to be the girl you dance with to no music, dance with in the rain, tell me I'm beautiful when I'm at my worst. I want to fight with you but be able to love right after. I want to be able to hold you at your worst. Tell you all of the things that make you incredible. I want to build you up when you get knocked down. I want to take your pain and put it with mine. I just want you to know that when you hurt I'm hurting more. When you're happy I'M even happier. You are such a part of me and I hate it. I don't want to care so much because you're so far away and fighting your own battles. BUT because you're so far away and fighting these battles it only makes me want to be closer. Be there for you, be the girl who will make you smile. I hate all of the things this does to you, but I understand it because I've been there.

Someday you'll be the boy I have by my side. The boy whose hand will slip into mine whenever you feel like because just the touch of me calms you just like the touch of you calms me. I want to laugh with you, cry with you, fight with you, be all of the things that I can be with you. TRY to be all the things I CAN'T be with you. I'm such a romantic and it's quite terrible. It's a gift and a curse, but you put up with it. You give me hope to do so. Why? Because I know even if none of this happens in our lives, if it doesn't happen between the two of us I'll never regret the things that were said. In the end we'll find someone we CAN be all these things for and with, For the time being however, I'm going to keep pretending and believing that someday we can be these things. Until life throws us something or someone else lets live in our world. I'll be waiting. Even if she takes over. I'll still be here. Best friends are something you can never replace even if the love is gone.

I know it does. Deep down with every fiber of my soul, I know it does. You threw my heart for a whirl when you said you loved me, now I'm terrified you're going to back track. With all of my being I know that we love each other. But with all of my being I doubt it...
I wish I knew how to be better at this. I wish I knew how to be exactly what you need. I can't be her though, and no matter what I will never have the same kind of hold that she has over you. It sounds ridiculous but I do love you. Saying it won't be enough though. Ugh. You listen to me when I know you'd rather be doing anything else. You so imperfect but perfect for me..as I hope I am for you. However...I'm probably just being silly. I fall too hard and I fell too soon, but there's nothing I can do about it now. These words are just words..they'll never reach your ears.
I really hate these nights. I sit up late and ramble on about something i think I understand. Guess what? I don't understand it. I'm such a loser, but I'm not. it's something to believe in. I can't go wrong with it. I just wish it was easier. "Nobody said it was easy...it's such a shame for us to part...Nobody said it was easy. it's such a shame for us to part" What do I even know anyway?
*sigh* I really wish I could explain to you. my words don't make sense though. they just bounce around in my mind and some read them on this blog, but they don't make sense. you can't know what I feel. why? because it's terrifying, you knowing frightens me like no other.
Ugh what am I even saying anymore?? I don't know.

I want you. I need you. Oh baby. Oh baby. haha.
I wish my life was like a retro-pop song. "I want you to want me, I need you to need me" ahah SIKE! I don't but still I wish I could have you here or I could be there. it would be nice.

Why do you always want me to come to you? why can't you come to me?

see my mind races... ;( I wish you were here tonight. I don't want to deal at the moment.