Promises are just misses

Promises can break, but it is true it's the memories that break us... I feel like a promise has been broken. I can't point it out though. All I know is I suddenly feel very strange, that I'm really just another number. Another girl you can make promises to with no intention of keeping them. Maybe it's just the way the night turned out, but I don't know. I'm having trouble BeLIEving the things you say. Well at least in these conditions. I feel like, you feel obligated to tell me these things and that if you do tell me it'll make up for something else.

This is getting serious. I want to run from it. Yeah Imma runner, the one thing I can't stand. However, I'm going to face this, this time. These are my thoughts. Don't break a promise. Or atleast tell me before you do.

I Will Be - Avril Lavigne

Okau yes, Its Avril...but the lyrics are pretty grand and how I feel about things so...I posted it...suck it hahah

Meiko - Reasons To Love You

"Give me a reason to love you..



"Take my hand and lets dance
Give me a reason to make me smile
Cause I think I forgot how"

It's pretty odd.

I haven't much to say right now, just a little thing I want to put out...

It's a really strange sensation.
The sensation of feeling your heartbreak.

I haven't felt this since I was like 13. :/

Well fine, if you don't want to see all the things you've caused me.
And you Sure as hell won't show me what I've caused you then I'll stop.

I don't want my heart to break for you.
You could care less about me now.

********************************************

I need a stronghold.
Someone to keep me together on days like this.

God this hurts.

6 Months by Hey Monday

Imma do a cover of this. just saying. It's very cute.



"I can't think of anyone else I hate to miss, as much as I hate missing you"

formspring.me

so whatcha' want? http://formspring.me/childhoodreamer

Take me back to here, things needed to be done.

I want to be this old again. Where the only thing that mattered was if I wanted mac N' cheese with my hotdogs, or which crayon was the perfect blue for my sky.

When did things get complicated?

Was it once I let feelings get in the way?
When I turned thirteen and deemed myself no longer a child?
When I figured out what it meant to love? to cry? to hurt? to forgive?

Now I've got myself wrapped up in my future.

People asking,

Where are applying?
What do you want to do with your life?
Are you guys even really in love?
Why do you even try?
Do you know you hurt Adam, by loving that other boy, when he's probably lying to you?
What are you going to do once you're in different parts of the country?

Here's an answer for you all....

I haven't a freakin' clue.

I can give you my application list, I can tell you my hopes for the future...but then you bring in my personal life and I want to just scream.

I can't tell you if we're REALLY in love, all I know is what I feel, and I believe in what I feel.
I know I hurt him, but I'm not right for him anyway. I'm complicated to be with, I don't make any sense to anybody.

As for do I feel bad for hurting him? OF course I do.

As to why I keep around for a guy 4,000 miles away? I can't answer you!!! I just can't. It's not something I can explain. One day you'll have something like this and you won't be able to answer it either.

As to if he's lying to me? I'm so sick of this question, again...he is 4,000 miles away. He can't be with me physically...so I really doubt he would still be around if he was lying. That just seems like a waste of time and a really cruel joke.

If you want to know why he sticks around, ask him.
*************************************************************************************

I just want to get away, I'm tired of dealing with all of this. I'm shutting off my emotions. I won't feel anything. Who are we kidding?

The end.

Things I miss.....

You guys feel like home, out here I'm alone. :(



My bestest freennn... I just want to go back to that summer.



Sunset somewhere in the middle of the ocean, We might've reached Mexico by now. Where ever we are, it's beautiful and I want to go back, I want to relive the magic it held.

I Wanna Hold You -McFly

Eeeepppp!! McFly... Ohboy do I enjoy them! :D

She is love :]

Okay now THIS is the last video. I want to do a cover over it, only change She to He. Thoughts?

Someday I'll tell you the truth :)

Last Video I promise haha Nevershoutnever- I love you 5 :) haha

Hellogoodbye - Oh, It Is Love (original)

I am on a Hellogoodbye kick yes, and yes it's all related to love... but lets be honest, wouldn't you rather see something posted about love than stupid fears? yeah I agree :) so enjoy love.

Baby it's fact :]

I was gonna write something..but the song says it all.. yup being in a better mood is great :)

Who I am, Hates who I've been

"I'm keepin an eye on the world, but I'm turning my back on what I've become"

I'm doing exactly what I said I didn't want to do and it's really making me upset. Why? because I'm doing it to myself, I can't stand it.

So this will be brief, I'm sorry I never make any sense and confuse you all the time. That isn't what I want to do, I'm making things alot harder than they need to be. I'm sorry. I'm going to stop thinking with my head now and just listen to my heart. It's not as stupid and it's usually right.

So fine, usually what you read here confuses you because either 1. I'm confused or 2. I really don't want you to know so I purposefully make it confusing. Like The Da Vinci Code or some shit. I know you tell me I can tell you anything, but what I have that makes me not normal in my mind tells me otherwise. I can trust you and I should be able to communicate with you, about anything and everything. However I panic, I get scared and I just don't ever tell you. I leave you to try to decipher whatever the hell it was I'd just written. Again I'm sorry.

Bottom Line:
I'm listening to my heart not my head.
I'm sorry I confuse you intentionally and unintentionally.
It's never anything to do with you, it's always me.
I panic when I think about telling you things because I get scared.
I understand if I fucked things up with all of these stupid words.

The end. That's basically everything, simplified. I'm done talking for awhile now because I annoy myself. Cool.

Open my eyes to see

So I've had some pretty stupid moments lately. I'll admit that it's true. I'm not proud of it at all, that kind of behavior is terrible. If I think negative, negative will come about. So for me to think that I'm losing you and that you're gonna go away soon is the worst thing to do. 1. Because according to your message today I've gathered it's not true and 2. If I keep thinking it'll happen chances are it will and that would suck, because it would be all my fault. Sheesh.
I really don't want to scare you off with all of this either though, so if you'd like to stop reading I understand. (aka stop reading haha)

By no means do I expect forever from you. That's alot to ask for, and I would never ask you for anything like that. I can hope and wish for it all I want, because that way you wouldn't have a clue, I would never directly say 'em to you. But...yeah, I don't expect it from you. I know things happen, people change, people grow. However, I'll be more than happy to stay as long as you would like me too, and I hope you know you're welcome to stay as long as you choose as well.

This is why I want you to stop reading. I feel like this will be one of THOSE posts, the ones that make me feel really ridiculous and like an idiot for everything I'm going to say. hahaha...but I suppose since I most likely would never tell you these things directly, you can continue and find out indirectly...ohboy I'm an odd one.

Basically I want to say I'm sorry for the way I've been lately, the whole stupid insecure little girl.. I don't know why I'm being such a little bitch and annoying. I don't want to be THAT girl, because frankly I don't have the right to be THAT girl. Blegh. I guess I just still find it so strange that through it all you managed to like me, and now you love me... I mean I know I've said it before, but for cereal it blows my mind. I'm not sure exactly why, how or when you decided or when this all fell into place but I wouldn't change it.

I've decided to now stop all this nonsense and let whatever is suppposed to happen happen. Forget about forever and whatever because none of it is guaranteed, even if words say otherwise. Inserting a quote here " The key to any lasting relationship: Knowing when to be close and knowing when to give room."

So I think it's one of those moments when it's time to give room, which probably sounds really stupid in itself, but maybe it'll be better. So yeah. This way I stop sounding like a crazy ridiculous girl and more normal and chill. The awesome me. I really hope you haven't gotten this far in reading this. I'd appreciate it if you didn't. Anyways I'm done now.

Ames.

P.S, I still say ew I disgust myself. The end.

A perfectly good heart

This has been on repeat over and over and over on my I-pod and in my head. I tell myself it's just a song, but I can't help but wonder if there's a deeper meaning. Some reason it plays everytime I turn on music... I think too much. It hurts.



"Why would you wanna break a perfectly good heart?
Why would you wanna take our love and tear it all apart,now?
Why would you wanna make the very first scar?
Why would you wanna break a perfectly good heart?

Maybe I should've seen the signs, should've read the writing on the wall.
And realized by the distance in your eyes that I would be the one to fall.
No matter what you say, I still can't believe
That you would walk away.
It don't make sense to me, but:

[Repeat Chorus 1:]
Why would you wanna break a perfectly good heart?
Why would you wanna take our love and tear it all apart, now?
Why would you wanna make the very first scar?
Why would you wanna break a perfectly good heart?

It's not unbroken anymore.
How do I get it back the way it was before?

[Chorus 2:]
Why would you wanna break a perfectly good heart?
Why would you wanna take our love and tear it all apart,now?
Why would you wanna make the very first scar?
Why would you wanna break, would you wanna break a perfectly good heart?

[Repeat Chorus 1:]
Why would you wanna break a perfectly good heart?
Why would you wanna take our love and tear it all apart, now?
Why would you wanna make the very first scar?
Why would you wanna break a perfectly good heart?"

Okay enough music for me for awhile.

Ew, I disgust myself for this.. How and Why do people put up with me sheesh. haha. but I'm serious. Ew.

Realizations

Lyric of the day:
"I feel a separation coming on,
Cause I know you want to be moving on..
But I have something left to say..
Don't surrender, surrender, surrender.
Please Remember."

Here are some things I've come to realize and accept about myself.

* I think too much.
* I care too much.
* I worry WAY WAY WAY too much.
* I am not the typical girl.
* It takes a lot to win my heart if that's what you're after.
* I'm SUPER weird.
* OH! and SUPER awkward.
* I do not have a sexy bone in my body, so don't ask me to be sexy hahah
* I have a strong will power.
* I really do deserve all that I want.
* I may not be your right NOW, but I very well could be your right.
* The sun rises every morning, so nothing lasts forever,not even night.
* Which I'm okay with because that means you have a chance to do it all over again.
* I'm not perfect, I don't want to be.
* I am insecure.
* I like to escape.
* I have fears.
* I have doubts.

HOWEVER....

*I have hopes.
*I have dreams.
* I am considerate.
* I put others before myself.
* I will do anything for people I love.
* I AM BEAUTIFUL inside and out, you've just got to be willing to look for it.
* I will be worth your time.
* I believe everything happens for a reason.
* I have a heart, it does feel, don't hurt it.
* I am really good at guessing when something bad is going to happen.
* I have that feeling right now.
* I am loved.
* I love.
* I am a lot of fun.
* I laugh.
* I cry.
* I smile.
* I frown.
* Kisses on the nose/forehead are my favorite ever.
* I love cuddling.
* I am a blessed person.
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* I really am worth it, if you can get through the mess to find me. I promise.

I've come to realize that I AM HUMAN!!! I'm allowed to feel and think and care and worry and cry and whatever I want. This is what I am. Embrace it. I have. I may not be the best, or make people happy all the time but I deserve happiness and love and truth and trust and honesty. Really that is ALL I ask for. Please be kind to give it to me.

Ames.

Take these words

Endless possibilities of ending probability
It's a odds stacked up kind of game
Yet I keep rolling as if I've got anything to gain
I want to know where I can find stability
The rocking and knocking feels like pain.

So I sit and I wait for the storm to hit
I feel it in the air
Static.
Electric.
Impending.
Trapped under the purple cloud of make-believe.

I'm stuck in a time
In a time.
In a time.
In a time.
Reach me to see me.

Say your words and I'll sing a melody.
Tell the truth and I realize I fell for the twisted symphony.
You don't see what you're doin' to me
And I play along like it's supposed to be

I'm stuck on all the endless possibilities
I'm stuck waiting for this ending probability,
Questions race my mind now.
I'll never ask the why and how.
No matter how bad I'd like to know.

So here I am.
Going round and round.
There you go
Without a sound.
But here.
Take these words.



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Free write. Inspiration hit. I'm real tired of thinking. I do it way too much. I apologize. Just when I have thoughts or question of whatever. I write. This doesn't even make sense. But it does to me. So I guess that's all that matters.

Keep it shut.

This will be short and sweet..just a vent. Nothing to interesting.


Keep it shut. As in keep your mouth shut. Who are you to tell me what I'm doing is wrong? That I'm stuck in some fantasy that I need to get out of because it's "unhealthy"? You say you're only commenting as an outsider, and the thing is THAT'S BECAUSE THAT IS WHAT YOU ARE.... AN OUTSIDER!!! You don't know the whole story. Hell you don't even know half of it.

So don't try to tell me I'm stupid and ridiculous and missing out on something that could be really good for me. You don't know what the fuck I need. So just keep it shut. Thanks.